When Buddies Collide With Women
by Dry Black
Summary: The 2nd episode of buddies being tested and trust me, this right here is ten times crazier! *No one was harmed during the acting of this play(Well emotionally, but not physically) and viewers discretion is extremely advised!* MA rate. View at your own risk.


_Enter Sonic and Tails_

Tails- Sonic, these women are trouble.

Sonic- Nigga tell me about it. Look at Amy...

_Behold a flashback from "Sonic Adventure 2"_

_Enter Sonic and military defense_

Major- You're under arrest for theft and destruction of human banks and government property!

Sonic- WHAT?! Y'all serious?!

Male Soldier- Let me shoot this menace.

Sonic- What the fuck?! I'm innocent!

Sargent- We know you villain. You're morphing of colors won't work on us.

Major- Yeah! You're the only hedgehog in town.

Sonic- This is some bullshit I don't have time for. I'm outta here.

_Sonic exit_

Female Soldier- Get this future convict!

_Exit the military defense. Sonic escapes the manipulating security system._

_Enter Night time and Shadow_

Sonic- Hey faggot! What's the big deal huh?

Shadow- Humph. I don't got time for crackers like you. Begone.

Sonic- CRACKER?! Nigga let me tell you somethin'!

Shadow- I don't talk to sluggish whites, you crackers will pay for your chaos!

Sonic- WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?! I'm a nigga like you! I been through some shit Malcolm X! They hate me too because of you and these robberies! WHAT'S UP WITH YOU MAN?!

Shadow- Well why is your skin white? Oh! You're one of them got-damn KKK spies. SPY ON THESE NUTS!

Sonic- Nigga you need some sense. I'm about to deliver em' too.

Shadow- Bring it! You will be the first cracker to feel my wrath!

_They rumble wild and roughly like it's win of die._

Sonic- BITCH NIGGA!

Shadow- NIGGA IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!

Sonic- AHHH!

Shadow- Slow fuck. PAH-OWWWW!

Sonic- Yeah nigga. Yo pregnant ass needs some practice.

Shadow- Cracker you will not WIN!  
_  
They get off of each about a half an hour later._

Sonic- Now I'm notoriety. That ain't cool.

Shadow- Cracker bring your ass! BRING YOUR ASS! CRACKER!

Sonic- NIGGA QUIT CALLING ME WHITE! I'M BLACK LIKE YOU AND GHETTO LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!

Shadow- The only way you can prove that is by bringing your vanilla white cool whip ass over here! Drag your nasty white ass over here dammit!

Sonic- Nigga you need some help. And I mean "help."

Shadow- Once I find the chaos emeralds, you crackers will be wipe away from Earth; no longer in existence.

Sonic- Malcolm X, You're going too damn far with your rebellion! I would like see them myself effaced but that ain't happening no time soon unless God decides so. Nigga deal with em', they are people too; and some are harmless and fought besides us to see civil rights enacted. So RESPECT THEM CRACKERS AND ALL RACES! Nigga go seek some therapy and something to drink.

_Sonic exits_

Shadow- Nigga you don't know shit! They fought beside us to know what we're doing and reported it to the got-damn KKK and other white devils with big ass heads. They were moles for the government. Nigga if we rebelled against them fagot-ass crackers, we would be in power today; twenty million Obamas will be in the cracker house nigga! Black Panther fighter forever!

_Shadow exits._

_Military defense ambushes Sonic._

Male Police- You're under arrest! "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

Major- There's no scampering around now. You're completely surrounded.

Female Police- Don't do nothing! You will regret it.

Sonic- Fine. Beleaguer my ass to death. Dumb ass crackers.

Major- That's it! ALL PERSONNELS ARREST HIM NOW!

_A cop knocks Sonic out with a nightstick. All exit._

_Enter Sonic in a jail cell with various writings on the wall._

Sonic- This is some bullshit. They abjured my rights thinking I'm this black mother fucker. "We shall overcome." Diatribing faggots and these stank ass politicians in the got-damn office. Y'all selfish and stubborn!

_Enter Amy_

Sonic- Oh hell no.

Amy- Shhh. I'm about to bail you out.

Sonic- Thanks, but no thanks.

Amy- Really Sonic?

Sonic- Hell yeah! I rather rot in this bitch than to be with you.

Amy- Come on Sonic, What did I do to piss you off huh?

Sonic- Hogging up my damn space!

Amy- What?! Umm..really?

Sonic- I mean every damn time I go for a run, here you come with that fucking hammer chasing my ass.

Amy- Man you'll a real ass right about now. Fine rot in this bitch then! But if you marry me, you will be as free as a bird.

Sonic- No fucking way!

Amy- I see what you doing. You trying to scare me away. That's not working.

Sonic- GO AWAY! I'm a bad nigga with a fuck life okay?!

Amy- Not in my perspective.

Sonic- Woman these faggot ass possessed bitches accused me of doing evil, committing crimes I have no got-damn intentions of doing. That's why I lock the fuck up. This black racist imposter is fucking up my reputation and appearance.

Amy- What, you mean Shadow?

Sonic- That's the nigga's name?

Amy- Well yeah. I overheard it when he was having a conservation with Eggman.

Sonic- I knew it! That egg head nigga have no life, he don't "got" one; always attempting to create his dystopia that will never exists. GIVE THE FUCK UP FAGGOT!

Amy- Let me cheer you up.

Sonic- Woman no.

Amy- Why do you procrastinate me?! I'm harmless and nice.

Sonic- Girl you fast; a damn lot faster than me I must say.

Amy- Okay now chill the fuck off.

Sonic- You chillax!

Amy- NIGGA YOU! I'm not a hoe okay. I just like your personality; You know, your heroism and lack of congregation just hooks me to you.

Sonic- EWWW! No!

Amy- Oh so we gay?! You like Tails more than me is that it?! You love "hotdogs" nigga?!

Sonic- GIRL WHAT THE FUCK!

Amy- TELL ME WHAT SEX YOU LIKE! BE FUCKING HONEST!

Sonic- I LIKE GIRLS! NOT RIGHT FUCKING NOW! "I'M, NOT, GAY!"

Amy- You is now.

Sonic- Talk over.

Amy- No it ain't. I'm just getting warmed up sweetie.

Sonic- Leave dammit!

Amy- I'm staying right fucking here! Let me shepherd your ass back into your head.

Sonic- Why do you like me?!

Amy- 'Cause...

Sonic- I'll be damn. "'Cause." Like... like is that all? Just fucking "'cause?!"

Amy- Why do you look sexy then?! With...your two-pack.

Sonic- I don't mind sacrificing my looks; if looking like Shrek with shit on his face will get you off my ass, that's fine with me. I DON'T LIKE AND LOVE YOU SO SWERVE TO ANOTHER!

Amy- Think about it then. Think long and hard about what you doing.

_Amy throws a scanning card at Sonic and exits._

Sonic- Girl I know what I'm doing.

_Sonic picks up the card and hurls it the scanner; it opens up the cell which frees him._

Sonic- Girl I don't want you nor love you. What do I have to do to get you to understand that?! DAMN yo shit is harder than that Knuckle-headed fool!

_Return from flashback to reality_

Tails- Damn Sonic. You went through some Birmingham shit and that. I'm glad no girl is checking me out you know what I'm saying.

Sonic- Shit bra. That must be Eggman's stooge I mean...she don't know what "leave me along" and "I don't want you" means.

Tails- Okay I came up with somethin.' How about you give her a chance.

Sonic- HELL NO!

Tails- Just hear me out son! Hear out, turn off, turn down. "He who finds a woman, finds a good thang."

Sonic- Nigga swerve! Not "this" man at least.

Tails- Yo ass is arctic miserable. Where the old Sonic at? Back when games was good, you talked about finding that special one and fighting side by side with her against Eggman and his future threats; protect her every step...you take.

Sonic- Well seeing these females today, forget it and don't preach.

Tails- We fucked up too Sonic. Adam fucked us over with that got-damn apple. Sin is wrooping both sex asses now. We hoes too and worse; some of us like Wilt Chamberlain and Gene Simmons fucked more than a thousand women.

Sonic- I didn't want to know that.

Tails- I'm just saying, we like sex and think about it every zero seconds.

Sonic- NIGGA YOU'RE NOT HELPING! You making the shit worst than it already is.

Tails- Dammit what's up?!

Sonic- She "likes" me! You know, feelings, emotions, real like, like...like she wants to know me for me.

Tails- Oh damn. Well you had that trait back in the day but nobody came up. I'm sticking with what I said earlier, give her ass a try. She might be the one.

Sonic- No. She's fast.

Tails- Nigga you fast!

Sonic- Exactly. Hoes and hoes won't work. Trouble, trouble.

Tails- Well yeah...you did some wacky shit bra...You probably lying about her though.

Sonic- NIGGA SHE IS FAST!

Tails- CHILL DAMMIT! She acts like that when she's around you! Well when I see her with some friends or by her lonesome, she's clean and umm, don't flirt with every nigga she walks by. She just do you bra.

Sonic- Do you have some tapes?!

Tails- Nigga I ain't no espionage politician!

Sonic- Well there's your job of the day. Make some semblance cameras and have them to record her every move.

Tails- Man you paranoid like a mother fucker. What you got to hide?

Sonic- NOTHIN' NIGGA!

Tails- No trouble but, did you fuck one of them hoes you was with?

Sonic- NIGGA THAT'S NONE OF YOUR GOT-DAMN BUSINESS!

Tails- Than WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM GOT-DAMMIT?! Amy is not, whoring around! She ain't you nigga and I experienced it.

Sonic- Well I didn't see shit.

Tails- You don't have to. And she a raging protector too?! A get, git her nigga the thughog!

Sonic- Fuck you!

Tails- Scout her ass out!

Sonic- Did you not comprehend what I just said?!

Tails- Nigga I heard you, now go tell her you sorry and that you got Alzheimer's.

Sonic- Man you the one with conditions! She probably have grudges for me.

Tails- Now you being ridiculous. You would know if she have grudges; trust and believe that bra. That girl will fuck you up every time you go around her; you might as well kill yourself. And she didn't do shit to you yet. OH YEAH!

Sonic- What now?

Tails- Thinking about that day we fought those black heart niggas and you blew them queers up with that rainbow bomb Yoshi gave you.

Sonic- Yeah, what about it?

Tails- Well you know, you trapped us in that disoriented rainbow and um, you was being dissed out by that tall woman with that large ass bang. What's all that about?

Sonic- I don't know but now I'm piss.

Tails- She said something about Amy right?

Sonic- Yea and you don't need to know.

Tails- Nigga I'm like your youngest intellectual brother! We been through unimaginative shit and fought side by side for decades bra. And you know I keep secrets. Give me a slice of the pie.

Sonic- Fine nigga fine! Shit.

_Enter Knuckles_

Knuckles- Man fuck life!

Tails- What up?

Knuckles- Rouge bra. That fucking bat makes me sick!

Sonic- Oh. More of that Master Emerald drama eh?

Knuckles- This whore don't know when to stop! With her big titties and ass.

Sonic- Knucklehead, did you ever think about how stupid you are?

Knuckles- NIGGA YOU WONNA GO?! YOU HAD SOME POTENTIAL OF STEALING IT TOO!

Sonic- Nigga swerve on with that bull bra.

Knuckles- Nigga I know what I see. A blue gay-queer sneaking up in my crib trying to rob me blind.

Sonic- Nigga Eggman manipulated you to think that. I don't need your shit.

Knuckles- Them why you crawl your shagging ass up in my bitch then?

Tails- Knuckles can you come back later. Me and Sonic have some private business matters to handle.

Knuckles- OH SHIT! DAMN I SEE A VISION!

Sonic- ECHIDNA WHORE IT'S NOT THAT!

Tails- WE AIN'T GAY NIGGA! It just haves nothing to do with you is all.

Knuckles- Well I ain't leavin' till I get this out of my chest.

Tails- Hurry the shit up then.

Knuckles- I know y'all want each other.

Sonic- NIGGA FUCK THEM QUEER SONIC FANS!

Tails- THEY ARE HATERS AND NO LIFE BITCHES!

Knuckles- Whatever. Let me tell you what this bitch did...

_Behold a flashback from "Sonic Adventure 2"_

_Enter Knuckles_

Knuckles- I dare some damn body to come and still the Master Emerald. Come on Eggman. Bring your ring worm head ass on over here!

_Enter Rouge_

Rouge- There's big daddy. Come to momma.

Knuckles- What was that?

Rouge- Move out the way!

Knuckles- Woman who you?!

Rouge- I'm a bat that wants all the world's jewels.

Knuckles- Girl, this is no ordinary emerald. This mother fucker controls the world, keeps the fucker alive, and monitors the chaos emeralds power.

Rouge- I don't know that? I will take real good care of it.

Knuckles- NO! You a threat! LEAVE HOE!

Rouge- HOE?! Just because I dress like one don't mean I'm so.

Knuckles- BITCH SWERVE! You're out for my jewels.

Rouge- Okay I see. You want a blowjob?

Knuckles- HELL NO! You ain't taking this bitch you hear?!

Rouge- You be referring me to a whore so you want this?

Knuckles- NASTY!

Rouge- YOU NIGGA!

_Enter Eggman_

Eggman- What is this brat doing? She should have been stolen the got-damn emerald; oh I see, flirtation for that dalmatian. Keep him occupied then.

Rouge- I'm tired of you males!

Knuckles- "MALE?!" BITCH! KNOW YOUR PLACE!

Rouge- And that's to take your shit faggot. MOVE NOW!

Knuckles- WHO YOU YELL?! YOU ON THE WRONG NUTS BITCH!

Eggman- PAH, HA-HA-HAAA!

Knuckles- NOOO!

Eggman- It's like taking candy from a baby and eating the stuff in his face. WRAAAH, HA, HA, HAAA!

Knuckles- You ain't deserve material!

_Knuckles breaks the Master Emerald to shreds and it's pieces scatters across the world._

Eggman- NOOO! I was this close to world domination. You will regret this Knucklehead.

_Eggman exits_

Knuckles- Git to searching nigga.

Rouge- Dumb fag! You could have at least let me touched it.

Knuckles- Hoe! Quit being a prostitute. I don't know you like that.

Rouge- You will soon. No one fucks with my money and riches...but with you, I'll make an exception.

Knuckles- Bitch this ain't yo shit to take.

Rouge- Yes it is sub-marine head.

Knuckles- Git yo mesmerizing ass out of here!

Rouge- Stimulate these tits.

_Rouge exits_

Knuckles- Hoe swerve! SWERVE GOT-DAMMIT!

_Return from flashback to reality_

Sonic- Boring.

Tails- *yawns* You done Knuckles? Can you leave now?

Knuckles- Y'ALL NIGGAS DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN?!

Sonic- She's not after the Master Emerald. She wants the "Master Emerald."

Knuckles- Exactly! That bitch is determined. She ain't gittin' it!

Tails- No brainless redhead. She want your personal belongings.

Knuckles- I don't carry shit on me dumb niggas...OH! WHORE!

Sonic- She's real hot so I would bang that.

Tails- Sell her ass some gems and rubies.

Knuckles- Dogs shut it! Cool your nasty asses down; avoid the got-damn heat.

_Enter Yoshi and Mario_

Mario- "Let's a go!"

Yoshi- There's no bullshit this time. So let's brawl niggas.

Sonic- Why do y'all keep coming at the wrong time?

Yoshi- Nigga there's no monkeys, no key roaches, no black heart niggas and shit, no shit on the floor so what's up nigga?!

Tails- Women bra.

Mario- Forget them. Bring a ya ass!

Knuckles- Did your gal stare at yo emeralds and shit? Coming up with destructive thoughts?

Mario- Peach is a big baby bitch so hell no!

Yoshi- Birdo can't blowjob! But that dinosaur right there can massage the temple you know what's up nigga? You tellin' me that Rouge is making a move on you?

Mario- Get her ass real good!

Knuckles- HELL NO! She a hoe.

Sonic- Exactly. Guaranteed party.

Tails- I wouldn't be talking if I was you Sonic.

Sonic- Well I'm talkin.' Fuck her.

Tails- You will regret this.

Sonic- Nigga swerve in yo dreams.

Yoshi- Nigga you dumb as fuck! That bitch can fight Incredible Hulk and win! That's my dream trait for women; protect my ass from trouble.

Mario- My ass got a pussycat who likes kidnapped drama. Guess what, Bowser got her stank-ass again. She likes the koopa's dick so much, she can stay there and roast his ass up; lick his shit; drink his piss; be his chair and bitch!

Yoshi- I told yo dumb ass she was trouble and didn't love yo ass. Yea nigga, let her ass rot in that hot stank breath stankin' ass castle.

_Enter Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong_

Mario- Oh fuck. The vigilante drama-duo are here.

Diddy Kong- Cracker shut it! Where's out got-damn bananas?!

Yoshi- Nigga we didn't take yo shits!

Donkey Kong- Niggas, don't play retarder! You ate our mother-fucking bananas!

Diddy Kong- YOU DON WENT UP THE WRONG TREE BITCHES!

Sonic- I don't got time for this.

Tails- Can y'all take this outside? We have some business to attend to.

Donkey Kong- HELL NO! Everybody in this shit hole is in this bitch!

Knuckles- This is the last got-damn thing I want to fucking deal wit!

Sonic- Man fuck this shit.

_Sonic exits_

Diddy Kong- Where yo ass goin'?!

_Diddy Kong exits_

Tails- Here I come Sonic!

_Tails exits. Various noises and barks occurs outside_

Knuckles- Who want a knuckle-sandwich?

Donkey Kong- Nigga climb off this.

Mario- Gay monkey, go explore to the edge of the world and jump off!

Yoshi- Break yourself nigga!

Outside- AHHHHHHH! SHIT! BRING YO ASS! GIT BACK HERE PUSSY MONKEY! DK COME OUT HERE! RAPE!

Donkey Kong- KILL THEM TWO!

Outside- BUT THEY DOIN' THE MOST-OW-AHHHH SHIT!

_Enter Amy and Rouge_

Amy- What the fuck is going on?!

Rouge- Can somebody shut that rat screech up?! Hey baby.

Knuckle- Gal swerve on with your big ass.

Rouge- You wanna spank it?

Knuckle- SWERVE!

_They have a side conservation._

Outside- AHHHHHHH-AH! DK I'M SERIOUS! SHUT UP TRASH NIGGA! DAAAMN!

Amy- I got this.

_Amy exits_

Outside- OH SHIT! RED BITCH ALERT RUN-AH SHIT! SONIC GET YOUR GIRL! GIRL?! PLEASE! I WANT YOUR ASS DEAD! YOU IN SOME DEATH SHIT NOW SONIC! FUCK! JACK-ASS DONKEY!

Donkey Kong- COME IN HERE AND SAY THAT SHIT!

Yoshi- *clears his throat* Enemies are in yo face now.

Donkey Kong- NIGGA! THIS BANANA SHIT CAN WAIT! MY BOLD ASS NEPHEW NEEDS TO KNOW NOT TO TRY AN AUTHORITATIVE FIGURE!

_Donkey Kong exits_

Mario- Damn. And I thought out universe got it bad. Sega is dramatized and ghetto.

Yoshi- Dead ass nigga. These niggas got problems bra. They needs to stop eating grass; that's for cows, not all.

Knuckles- Hey, I'm right here.

Mario- And?

Yoshi- You wanna go red Echa-nigga?

Rouge- Yeah like, not everybody is full of shit; like me.

Yoshi- Bitch you just out with yours!

Rouge- This man only has access to this!

Knuckles- Don't put me in that!

Rouge- Enough of your procrastination.

Outside- YOU TRYIN' TA ROAST?! NO BIG COUSIN! PLEAS-SHUT IT! NO AHHHHHHHHHH! ROAST AGAIN! ROAST SOME MO'! SONIC YOU'RE DEAD! THAT'S WHY I DON'T LOVE YOU! YOUR ASS IS CRAZY! CRAZY TO KILL YOU NOW!

_Enter Sonic and Tails_

Sonic- Bra, I'm done for.

Tails- See what happens when you break a feral woman's heart. Watch your house go up in flames.

Sonic- I don't have a house.

Tails- Then watch Greenhill go up in flames. That bitch is psychotic enough to do that.

Sonic- All because I said I don't love you.

Yoshi- Nigga first things first, did you fuck her first? If yes, you deserve to die whorish hotel fucker.

Mario- I don't know what's going on and I don't give a fuck. You're in the wrong fuck-face.

Sonic- Nigga what do you know?!

Mario- From what I heard, you all about sex, not real love. You took your time to know her, just to end it, because you got it? Really?!

Sonic- That's why women exists right?

Tails- SONIC!

Yoshi- Nigga you got balls to say that shit. Mario let me egg his ass.

Mario- No Yoshi. In our universe, we don't have whores. We kill or beat them to death. We know what to do and say to win that dream girl. She's a bitch and all, but there's something about her that I can't simply let go. Not all girls are whores; I learned this the hard way.

Sonic- In our universe, all females are suckable whores and males don't have to work hard for that party. My world, my rules, bitches. Abide it niggas!

Yoshi- Nigga you wouldn't last a day in my ghetto ass island. You would've been sniped right then and there. We don't play that bra! Mario, LET, ME, EGG HIS ASS PLEASE! I WILL "FUCKING" APPRECIATE IT!

Knuckles- Want a death-sandwich with that? I don't believe you Sonic. This shit is not real.

_Knuckles exits_

Rouge- Damn Sonic! Now my man won't fuck me! Thank your spoiled magic kiss ass personality!

_Rouge exits_

Tails- Damn Sonic. You fucked up.

_Tails Exits_

Sonic- FUCK ALL OF Y'ALL! Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Mario- You will now be fed with a long ass spoon. You're not my brawling rival no more. Yoshi, let's go save Peach for the millionth time.

Yoshi- Nigga stay away from them drugs and Mexico! Their crystal meth and shit can do some stuff you know and Mario, let's wait a year then save the dumb bitch.

_Mario & Yoshi Exits_

Sonic- Y'all to damn stupid! FUCK SOCIETY!

_Sonic Exits_


End file.
